dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Randomize
