Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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