he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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