Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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