The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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