how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
