The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
