Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
