I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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