I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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