all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
