I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Drunk is a universal language darling
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
