umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
