I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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