Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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