Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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