MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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