Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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