It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
