His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
