Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
