I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
