hotel room ftw
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
