3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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