and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
