And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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