you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
