I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
