so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
