it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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