You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
