so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
