This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
