I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
