I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
