Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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