She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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