I think i peed on brittanys purse
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
