What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
