My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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