If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
