Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
