Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this just has baby written all over it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
