I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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