Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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