It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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