Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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