my phone needs a breathalizer
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize