After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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