That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
