God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
