wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I supernannyed him into submission
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
