something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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