If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
